an apology: i've been feeling quite down this week, i'm not sure i can even put a finger on the cause..i know that it's making me treat the people around me badly, and i am sorry for that..to the people in my everyday life: if i knew what was causing it i promise i would do something about it so that i didn't feel like such a horrible person when i snapped at you for not saying what you don't know that i want you to say to me.. i've also done what i always do to try and snap myself out of these feelings -i've filled up every last minute of every day with something to do, so that i don't have to be alone with my sadness..the stupid thing is that if you asked me what was making me so sad, i probably couldn't explain it..i had some results at the doctors which weren't ideal, but were expected, so i can't really blame it on that..i just feel like i can't do anything right at the moment, however much effort i put in..i know i'm too hard on myself a lot of the time, i always feel like i should be doing better..i think i feel a bit lost..
this morning i sat down in my wardrobe room and couldn't think of one single thing i wanted to wear..which is sort of ridiculous, as i think i have more clothes than anyone i know (i'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing, it's just a fact)..i got out some skirts, and couldn't think of anything i wanted to put with them to make an outfit, i looked to shoes for inspiration and didn't fancy any of them..i dragged this dress out from one of the wardrobes as i know it's not too tight on what i think is my horrible shape at the moment, and then struggled to find any shoes that were the right shade of blue..
i'm not sure if i have ever even worn these irregular choice wedges..i have them in green and black as well, and i really love the shape of them, but my feet seem to fall to the front which can be a little odd on the fit of them, as the laced-up front can be tight on the toes..i do like the polka dots though and the silver croc skin effect..
this evening i am off to meet with my sewing mentor'; i've been really pushing myself to get the last few elements of my queen's guide award planned at least, as i only have another 18months to get it completed, and i have almost done this part.. i feel that i have put so much time and effort into it so far, that i really want to gain the award..so i'm trying to be organised (unusual for me!) and get a plan together so that i don't run out of time, as i'll be really proud if i can achieve this..then i'm off to a friends' house for takeaway and trashy tv, although we have got the final of the glee project to watch (my latest guilty pleasure show) and i read a tweet last night which ruined the end for me as it told me the winner - fail. i've promised not to tell her though!
tomorrow i am spending my entire day at the ironbridge world heritage festival, promoting guiding as the first event since joining the county PR and media committee..i am planning a post on the reasons i do so much to do with girlguiding uk, as recently i have been having a lot of people ask me why i devote so much of my time to it.. so i have filled up the majority of my weekend, and i plan to be a lot happier by sunday and hopefully spend the day cutting out the pieces for my next sewing project, as after this evening my new dress should be finished, and given the amount of time and effort we have put into getting it right, it ought to be a perfect fit!