|my Valentine's presents (all from Clothing at Tesco)|
Inspired by Gemma's posts recently, I have decided to look for the reasons to smile in life, to try and snap me out of my recent depressive state. The endless cycles of emotions are by far what I find the worst part of my bipolar disorder. That, coupled with the fact that I feel so pathetic when I try to explain it to people, and the fact that I'm not sure what to say when their lack of understanding or appreciation inevitably causes them to ask "..but what exactly do you have to feel depressed about.." or better still "just snap out of it" - a turn of phrase which really does make me want to hit the person in the face with a wet fish.
Please don't think this post is looking for any kind of sympathy vote - it really is not - and to be honest, it's very rarely that I even voice any of these feelings (in part because I find it really quite difficult to find any words for them). However, I was reading something on Twitter the other day (I think it was one of the weekly chat topics, perhaps?) about whether or not people censor / put a spin on their life for the purposes of their blog, which is what got me thinking about putting my thoughts and feelings down in a post.
I started this blog with absolutely no expectations. I wanted to have somewhere to use purely as an outlet for the way I feel, but in truth, I could count the number of times I've actually done that on one hand over the past few years. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that in future, I have decided no longer to censor myself. I am a firm believer (if I can ever bring myself to take part in some of the hashtag chats about it) in blogging for yourself and this should include being true to yourself. This is me. If I feel like I'm falling back into that dark place, perhaps I won't try to totally avoid mentioning it.
But I digress. The point of this post was to find happy things, good things, and be grateful and appreciative of what I have. Like wonderful friends who surprise me with things they know I'll love, for Valentine's Day. Like a cute new car, and lots of lovely plans to look forward to in the next couple of months. Things will be ok.
Will you be joining in with "things to be thankful for" posts?