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Tuesday, 26 February 2013

don't you bring me down today..

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my Valentine's presents (all from Clothing at Tesco)

 Inspired by Gemma's posts recently, I have decided to look for the reasons to smile in life, to try and snap me out of my recent depressive state. The endless cycles of emotions are by far what I find the worst part of my bipolar disorder. That, coupled with the fact that I feel so pathetic when I try to explain it to people, and the fact that I'm not sure what to say when their lack of understanding or appreciation inevitably causes them to ask "..but what exactly do you have to feel depressed about.." or better still "just snap out of it" - a turn of phrase which really does make me want to hit the person in the face with a wet fish.

Please don't think this post is looking for any kind of sympathy vote - it really is not - and to be honest, it's very rarely that I even voice any of these feelings (in part because I find it really quite difficult to find any words for them). However, I was reading something on Twitter the other day (I think it was one of the weekly chat topics, perhaps?) about whether or not people censor / put a spin on their life for the purposes of their blog, which is what got me thinking about putting my thoughts and feelings down in a post.

I started this blog with absolutely no expectations. I wanted to have somewhere to use purely as an outlet for the way I feel, but in truth, I could count the number of times I've actually done that on one hand over the past few years. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that in future, I have decided no longer to censor myself. I am a firm believer (if I can ever bring myself to take part in some of the hashtag chats about it) in blogging for yourself and this should include being true to yourself. This is me. If I feel like I'm falling back into that dark place, perhaps I won't try to totally avoid mentioning it.

But I digress. The point of this post was to find happy things, good things, and be grateful and appreciative of what I have. Like wonderful friends who surprise me with things they know I'll love, for Valentine's Day. Like a cute new car, and lots of lovely plans to look forward to in the next couple of months. Things will be ok.


Will you be joining in with "things to be thankful for" posts?

7 comments:

  1. This is a really amazing idea and has inspired me too. I suppose that in my posts I do reference what's going on in my life to some extent - I do feel like my blog wouldn't be my blog without discussing my lifestyle, whereas a lot of blogs I read can feel very censored, 'I am a blogger and my life is all pretty clothes and sunshine and rainbows and other bloggers and family and the OH and that's all' - mine isn't like that and indeed my life doesn't include half those things. I agree that it's important to be grateful for the good things and share them here because they can get very much overlooked when the black clouds come in. But it's not bad to share other things here too because sometimes others' input can lift my mood in a bad time. There's nothing worse than being told to 'snap out of it' - there are times when everything feels awful for no reason and sure 'snapping out of it' is all you want to do but it's impossible and not as easy is that. So maybe writing is a possible outlet for that as you can get the feelings down and some relief might come with that. Good post, Char xxx

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  2. What an open, honest post - I had no idea that you were bipolar, and I am a regular reader of your blog! I am also a firm believer in blogging for yourself and being honest doing so, so good for you! I think one of the great things about the blogging community is that it forms a support network when you do need to get some things out in the open. Whatever makes you feel better, and also helps people understand eachother, can't be a bad thing! =) xx

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  3. Sending you lots of hugs hun, you've been an incredible support to me the past few weeks and I'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you have done xxx

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  4. You know that I do these already so I really happy that other people are doing them too!
    It can be hard to explain things to people!!!! I struggle talking about things at times but writing is a good way to do it!!! Do share, it's part of you xx

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  5. (((Char)))

    I just want to cuddle you senseless x

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  6. Sending you lots of love, I can only guess how difficult it must be for you <3

    Maria xxx

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  7. I agree with Hannah, I couldn't blog without adding a touch of my mood/lifestyle to each post, but at the same time I don't want it to be a big depressing read (because my life is pretty depressing), but more and more I'm finding those 'perfect' blogs really irritating. The ones where they just 'threw' on this completely designer or vintage outfit, drinking coffee in shoes probably worth more than the coffee shop, being invited to fancy events and blagging endless amounts of free clothes etc with amazing images like they've been ripped out of Vogue. Life isn't all cupcakes and sparkly shoes for everyone all the time, so it feels fake to pretend it is. There's never a mention of spilling food down your dress, getting blisters from your shoes, your camera taking blurry shots or technical issues beyond your control that leave you ripping your hair out trying to write a simple post! That's life for the majority of bloggers I would think and the sooner we all appreciate we're in the same boat, things can go wrong and we're not Kate Moss every freaking day the better! I also think it should be what sets us apart from other media like magazines, because we are real and lead real lives, so why not inject a bit of 'us' into every post?

    As for your illness, I had no idea you were bipolar and every day must be struggle for you and fear of depression even with your medication. Having been ill with ME for nearly 11 years now and unable to work etc, it's a constant battle with people and their opinions/views on it. I get the 'pull yourself together' thing or people thinking it's all just in my head (like I'd choose to be like this for all these years!!) and I really struggled with depression over Christmas, probably the worst I've ever had it but I do usually manage to somehow get myself out of it eventually. Sometimes I choose to write a bit about it and sometimes I don't feel like sharing, I think you just learn to find the right balance. x x x

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