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Sunday, 13 October 2013

if we cut out the bad, well then we'd have nothing left..

No shoes from me, this week. I've barely had time to wear any, let alone shop for any new ones.

Instead, an outfit post from my visit to my sister on Wednesday, and a few thoughts which have been swimming around in my head for the last few days.

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jumper: George@Asda // shoe boots: Primark
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coat: H! by Henry Holland // bag: Laura Ashley vintage

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dress: Cath Kidston // necklace: Primark
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tights: Miss Selfridge
To be honest, my trip to Wales on Wednesday did more to stir up emotions than to relax me. I was in tears for most of the journey; one which I know like the back of my hand. I passed the castle we used to dream about living in, which made me think about my ex and some of the things which happened years ago, and brought up lots of sad memories. I passed the junction for the town I used to visit on a weekly basis, to stay in our cute little beach house; my calm, relaxing retreat. My favourite place in the world, by far. Part of me never wants to have to go back, as again, that's associated with a load of (different) shitty memories now.

I know I said that I'd enjoyed seeing my sister and catching up with her a little, and I did. She was ever so sweet and we went to new places instead of the old haunts, which helped a bit. I didn't spend all that much time with her as she's been working night shifts lately, so she was falling asleep by about lunchtime, and had to be at work again for 10pm. I felt really sorry for her, and a bit sad that I don't get to see her very often anymore and I guess that I miss her more than I realised. Maybe seeing someone for the first time in a while makes you remember how much you miss them?

And another thing. I stopped to see one of my friends on the way back. I've not seen her for months and I've really missed her. I don't regret going to see her at all. But here's where it gets a little more complicated. One of my closest friends is really unhappy about that. The two of them no longer speak and to be honest, I feel completely torn. I've said from the start that I don't want to take either side and I still don't. I don't want to cause anyone I care about any pain or upset, and I'm not naive enough to think that we will ever be a big group of friends again, in the future. But at the same time, I can't get my head around cutting someone out of my life because someone else has done that. (I find it hard enough to cut the people I really should do out of my own life). And, let's face it, given some of the relationship decisions I have a tendency to make, I'm definitely not in a position to judge anyone else's choices, and I try hard never to do so.

I don't really know what to do next.. I hope that I can stay friends with both parties, but I'm still refusing to take sides. Presumably, I can be selfish here and say that if they both care about me, they won't ask me to. Or is that naive as well? I'm not sure what to think anymore. Everything is not what it used to be. Story of my life, right? Relationships change over time; that's inevitable, right? So is it only right to assume the friendships will, as well?

4 comments:

  1. oh no, lots of confusing emotions this week. I do hope your friends don't try to make you chose, hopefully they will be adult enough to let you enjoy the company of both of them xx

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  2. O, gawd, I've been in that situation a few times, particularly with one friend who just can't stand me having other friends....
    LOVE this Kath Kidston frock! Heavenly! X

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  3. I hate it when people expect you to fall out with someone when they have - it's very immature and silly and completely pointless, but still makes you feel like you've done something wrong even when you haven't!
    Hopefully your friends will realise this soon enough and calm down x x

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  4. Life has a funny way of testing us sometimes. I think seeing someone again can make you realise just how much you miss them, and at the same time I think sometimes it's quite nice to miss someone because it makes you realise how much they mean to you. I'm so happy you enjoyed seeing your sister, I always wished I had a sister, it can be a little lonely being an only child sometimes.

    I do think that if your friends really care, they won't ask you to take sides, maybe that is naive but it's how it should be at least. You can be friends with both and I hope they see that, even though they may not want to be friends with each other. <3

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